Discipline as a Space Creator

I used to HATE the word ‘discipline’. It evoked feelings of doing something bad; shame; a verb meaning ‘to punish’. Many definitions include terms such as ‘obey’ ‘coercion’ and ‘control’. Bleck! No thanks. 

But so many of the mentors that I (now) follow discuss discipline in various forms, and almost always as a means for freedom, spaciousness, success, and expanded creativity. This was a new concept for me. 

Currently in the last few days of the Whole30, I’m pondering discipline. The Whole 30 is (as the name suggests) a 30-day challenge where one cuts out all dairy, sugar, alcohol, legumes, grains, and processed foods, and focuses on eating whole foods. I have lost count of how many Whole 30s I’ve done but it’s probably nearing ten. 

I have a big complicated mixed heap of feelings about the Whole 30, but for me personally, it has been a life-changing practice. Years ago, it helped me take a dry month from drinking and facilitated a wean off a pretty crap diet overall. Now that I rarely drink alcohol, and my diet is fairly decent, it helps me exit the sugar train that I seem to be constantly buying a ticket to reboard (especially during the holidays), and retrain my body to function well and be more or less content (if a bit bored) with solely vegetables, nuts, meat and fruit. This will be the first time that I do the reintroduction protocol fully, which is meant to capitalize on the previous 30 days of hard work, and illustrate where your food sensitivities are, such to then build your own personalized successful food protocol. 

I believe in the Whole30 enough that at one point I looked into becoming a Whole30 coach. But. I couldn’t quite sort out in my brain how I would grapple with the potential dark sides of a program like the Whole30, especially considering that in this patriarchal society women are already constantly blasted with assertions both direct and insidious slow-drip style that they are not young, thin, pretty, or sexy enough. I was worried about a protocol with very serious restrictions (not calorie restriction, but still) and how for some women this may be downright triggering, lead to disordered eating, and/or possibly be used as a way to shame themselves even more. To her credit, the Whole30 founder Melissa Urban seems to have done a good bit of thinking on this herself, and attempts to dismantle the belief that this is a ‘diet’ listing over a hundred ‘non-scale victories’ as benefits to the program. You also aren’t allowed to weigh yourself during the program. 

Despite all of these question marks, the primary reason I keep coming back to the Whole30 is that I do truly feel better the second half of the month. I (mostly) don’t feel like a crazed sugar junkie zombie-ing around for my next hit, and I become accustomed to eating things like broccoli with breakfast, and, well, vegetables with every meal. I generally have more energy, sleep a hell of a lot better, and have a better grip on my emotions. 

Further, I (re) learn what it means to instill a healthy dose of discipline into the ol’ daily routine. In practice this means actually planning meals and sticking to them, much in the same way that I would (ahem, in theory) make a plan for the day’s work and actually stick to it, or this damn blog post writing schedule and actually stick to it. 

But I can see that this level of discipline does, strangely, equate to a type of freedom. I don’t need to negotiate with myself about just one cookie, ok two, ok, at least don’t go past five, etc. Do I believe eating cookies is bad? No. Do I believe that out-of-control emotional eating is bad and that there is a legit obesity epidemic happening? Yes, yes I do. 

When the parameters are in place, discipline invites one to consider…what else is going on here? If I’m throwing a fit about not getting to have an addictive substance (example, sugar) what unresolved need/ emotion/ belief is festering under the surface? And if I can decide ahead of time what to eat, how many cookies I will or won’t have, and not hem and haw about it when the time comes, how much space in my brain could thus be created for figuring out what the hell is actually going on, creativity, deep thinking, rest, quality time with loved ones… basically anything more interesting than arguing with myself about god damn cookies. 

In my own life it is becoming truer every day that discipline is not about avoidance, punishment, shame, a need to control, coerce or obey. 

It is a Space Creator.